Category Archives: Uncategorized

Hating on Bohemian Girls In LA

I was invited to go to Burning Man by a group of girls I barely know, which they claimed would be a free trip in a fancy expensive camp. I figured I should branch out and hang with some “hot … Continue reading

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VERY IMPORTANT SEX/DATING TIPS FOR MEN BY ME!

STOP SENDING SELFIES TO GIRLS. IT’S NOT HOT. IT WILL NEVER BE HOT. When taking a dick pic, take it from the underside. It makes it look bigger and often features a daunting vein, which says business. Blood flow business. … Continue reading

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A Non-Sexual Virus Raped My Throat

It’s a Tuesday afternoon. I’m wearing a XXL Dennis Rodman shirt from his 1997 film Double Team with Jean Claude Van Damme that I paid $95 for at a thrift shop in the East Village – which is typical because … Continue reading

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I DID A 3 DAY JUICE CLEANSE AND THESE WERE MY THOUGHTS

THURSDAY – THE NIGHT BEFORE THE CLEANSE 8:48 pm I just finished what will be my last “real meal” until Monday. I prepared a frozen Trader Joes pizza, which I disguised in crushed red pepper and roasted asparagus because I’m … Continue reading

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CLIPPERS OWNER DONALD STERLING RACIST PIZZA SCANDAL

YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT DONALD STERLING IS RACIST ABOUT NOW.

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I WENT TO A SEX PARTY THIS WEEKEND

EARLY Friday afternoon I got a text from my girlfriend saying we were going to a sex party that night. I’ve heard about these “Eyes Wide Shut” type parties before and have been dying to go to one, purely for … Continue reading

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I HATED WORKING IN REAL ESTATE: My ambitionz as a realta

I don’t like working in sales. I’m only good at sales when its the young bodies of immigrants looking for a better life in America. They meet me down by the Seaport, someone seemingly nice with the ability to walk … Continue reading

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Global Warming is No Longer Hot: Ferrari’s Are

For the past week I’ve been waiting outside Al Gore’s Nashville mansion with a bottle of chloroform and a washcloth. I rented a warehouse about 20 minutes outside of Nashville in the small town of Franklin, where a projector sits … Continue reading

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I AM ADDICTED TO PRODUCTS AND I DON’T NEED HELP. YOU DO.

If you walked into my apartment, the fridge is empty but the bathroom shelves are fully stocked. I don’t collect art, I collect products. They don’t even need to be expensive, I just need to surround myself with tons of … Continue reading

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How Did I Become One Of Those Girls?

How did I become one of those girls with a tattoo on their back? I’m aware of how it happened because I was “there” (wasted), but where was my conscious when it should’ve been looking out for me? My conscious … Continue reading

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