Category Archives: Uncategorized

I was invited to go to Burning Man by a group of girls I barely know, which they claimed would be a free trip in a fancy expensive camp. I figured I should branch out and hang with some “hot … Continue reading →

STOP SENDING SELFIES TO GIRLS. IT’S NOT HOT. IT WILL NEVER BE HOT. When taking a dick pic, take it from the underside. It makes it look bigger and often features a daunting vein, which says business. Blood flow business. … Continue reading →

It’s a Tuesday afternoon. I’m wearing a XXL Dennis Rodman shirt from his 1997 film Double Team with Jean Claude Van Damme that I paid $95 for at a thrift shop in the East Village – which is typical because … Continue reading →

THURSDAY – THE NIGHT BEFORE THE CLEANSE 8:48 pm I just finished what will be my last “real meal” until Monday. I prepared a frozen Trader Joes pizza, which I disguised in crushed red pepper and roasted asparagus because I’m … Continue reading →

EARLY Friday afternoon I got a text from my girlfriend saying we were going to a sex party that night. I’ve heard about these “Eyes Wide Shut” type parties before and have been dying to go to one, purely for … Continue reading →

I don’t like working in sales. I’m only good at sales when its the young bodies of immigrants looking for a better life in America. They meet me down by the Seaport, someone seemingly nice with the ability to walk … Continue reading →

For the past week I’ve been waiting outside Al Gore’s Nashville mansion with a bottle of chloroform and a washcloth. I rented a warehouse about 20 minutes outside of Nashville in the small town of Franklin, where a projector sits … Continue reading →

If you walked into my apartment, the fridge is empty but the bathroom shelves are fully stocked. I don’t collect art, I collect products. They don’t even need to be expensive, I just need to surround myself with tons of … Continue reading →

How did I become one of those girls with a tattoo on their back? I’m aware of how it happened because I was “there” (wasted), but where was my conscious when it should’ve been looking out for me? My conscious … Continue reading →