Corona Diaries 2

March 18th, 2020. 3:26pm.

I’m writing from our balcony in the sun on a beach chair surrounded by dirty empty flower pots and an old lighter fluid bottle. Should really clean up out here and make it nice. Fire up the mini grill. Maybe tomorrow. Everything in the corona pandemic can happen tomorrow, except for starting a diet, no time for that. I’m wearing socks with slides and an oversized Aviator Nation hoodie with the hood pulled over my head to protect my eyes from the sun. My energy is Sexy Beast but I don’t have a pool.

Didn’t get to write yesterday because we drove to Anaheim on a whim to get a puppy, but when we got there it felt too shady so we left. We thought we were seeing miniature English Bulldogs which are made from a pug and a bulldog, but they were just normal bulldogs made from the two runts of the litter, trying to be passed off as smaller bulldogs. A dog catfish? Not on my watch.

The puppies were cute but the owner had us meet him an industrial complex where he had a “clothing business.” Felt like you should get puppies from a farm with tons of other happy puppies frolicking in the sun, not on a cold concrete floor with 2 puppies at a time while they stand over you, watching you in a light puffy jacket, calling overseas to do black market deals on the new Silk Road. The paperwork also looked photo shopped, but who knows what legit paperwork even looks like. I don’t. All I knew is my husband and I both got a bad vibe from the guy, who seemed like he was in the mafia and dodged all of our questions like a criminal defense attorney who began every answer with “Well…”

Bummed, we left and got In and Out Burger, and scrolled thru new puppy ads between bites of lettuce wrapped Double Doubles. Getting a puppy feels like getting drugs. It’s a great high. You get super excited; a huge dopamine rush floods your body as you excitedly text back strangers from Craigslist to see if they’re firm on the price or are open to pandemic pricing. Bartering is my second favorite high. It’s the 49% Jew in me. Today we texted with some new people and are promised a visit tomorrow by a teddy-bear-looking Maltipoo. Steven suggested we name it Pumpkin. I think about making a sketch with the pup called “Battleship Puptempkin” where the dog slides down the stairs on its new pink bed, dodging squibs from Steven in a top hat.

For lunch I made rosemary roasted asparagus with lemon basil scallops. Desert was chocolate covered strawberries. Made a Youtube Video of me making them. Why not?

Watch here: Chocolate Covered Strawberries Cooking Video

Steven agreed to wash the dishes which is nice. We’re trying to do an extra good cleaning for the hopeful arrival of our new puppy tomorrow.

Last night we watched David Fincher’s THE GAME with Michael Douglas. It was so good, we were shook. I was afraid to go to sleep. A good movie will do that. Started a movie club today on Facebook with some friends and am looking forward to see if we ever settle on a choice by the end of the pandemic. I finally showered and washed my hair today, put on some makeup and a pair of jeans. Wore a bra to register as a woman. Maybe we’ll have sex later.

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