Corona Diaries Day 1

“You look cute” my husband says as I sit across from him at our kitchen table while we work alongside each other in peace for the first time. He normally never works around me and says I distract him, but right now, for the first time, he’s the one distracting me. A confident excitement sweeps over me as I happily type away. What’s the occasion? The blog is back.

It’s Monday March 16th, 2020 6:11pm and we are mid-Corona Virus.

My work at the Comedy Store ended on Friday- they closed their doors and I’m out of a paycheck. Some kind fans sent me a little cash on Venmo to continue creating my podcast, which I appreciate, but now that my job at the Store or stand up gigs aren’t bringing in any cash, it’s a little concerning. I’m trying to not focus on the finances and focus on the hobbies I haven’t allowed myself to do for the past few years since I’ve been obsessed with having a career. But now that I can’t get on stage and creating Corona Virus memes for social media only brings so much joy, I’m getting back into writing this blog and cooking.

Corona just made me realize I’m a fucking chef. I’ve been having some pretty good meals. I’ve done two big Whole Foods runs so far and got fresh produce, but they’ve run out of everything in boxes. No sweat. I’ve been able to buy proteins and vegetables which is all you need to become Julia Child. Fuck your cans of beans and frozen pizzas.

Tonight I’ll be making chicken parm and chocolate covered strawberries. I was supposed to go to Hawaii tomorrow on a big vacation with my husband’s family. To prep for it, I got lip injections (LOL so what), a gel manicure and was on a calorie-restricted diet for 5 days which led me to lose 3 pounds. Looking good indeed. But now that I’m stuck inside I’m back to eating Italian food and I’m sure eventually I’ll be baking cookies again. Chocolate covered strawberries felt a little more controlled and rational though, I mean they’re fucking berries that happened to fall into some chocolate, how could we not love them? How could we just leave them behind? We won’t. I won’t. But my husband will, because he’s still on a diet. He won’t be enjoying chicken parm either, because he won’t have the breading. Being a chef has been a little lonely during the coronavirus when there’s no one there to tell you how good your cooking is.

But he will enjoy the basil butter scallops and roasted asparagus I’ll be making tomorrow. I live for planning and reading recipes, it’s my housewife porn. Maybe tomorrow I’ll put on makeup and a sexier outfit. I’ve been in pajamas for days.

Right now I’m wearing his white waffle Clockwork Orange-esque long underwear pants and a pajama top, I’ve already worn this outfit like 2 days ago, but I’m trying to re-wear some clothes if they don’t have to be washed. In the past I would just wear something for a few hours and throw it into the hamper, but I’m trying to be more cautious about that incase something weird happens and I can’t wash my clothes as much or something. It’s a weird time where you feel like you have to prepare for the worst but you don’t even know how to prepare. I’m trying to follow my gut which keeps telling me stock up on stuff, especially dish soap and cleaning products since I’ve been using them the most. Who knows how long we will be trapped inside for.

Anyways, our Hawaii trip got cancelled and now my husband is stuck with me inside our apartment. He keeps trying to escape to his friend’s places (not on my watch -codependent police), but I’m having fun just staying indoors unless I’m going to a market to get provisions. I’m in full Nancy Myers mode because I’m a chef who says provisions now. I need some more scented candles. Life isn’t that bad in corona times. I also just took a lavender Epsom salt bath with coconut oil because my body Is achy, forgot to mention I had a cold flu too. We joke that we have Corona – I hope we don’t. We have colds and achy bodies but hopefully it’s just a cute little cold flu and not a deadly one caused by bats. We’ll see.

8:58pm Update: Where does the time go? The days seem to go by so quickly. Never made the chocolate covered strawberries. Will make tomorrow. Damn I want them so bad though. Made parmesan crusted chicken cutlets with homemade honey mustard sauce and sautéed spinach. Was truly delicious. Bad headache now. Body isn’t as achy since I took a 500 mg Naproxen. Can’t stop cleaning. I feel like I spend most of the day washing dishes. I guess my new job is a dishwasher. I’ll have plenty experience on my resume as one by the time we can go back to work. Had 2 podcast episodes edited for this week. Recorded one today over the phone with a high end escort in NYC. Good episode. Now we’re going to watch the movie The Game. Be back with more tomorrow. XO

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