I THINK I WAS IN A PORN

Photo on 12-15-15 at 12.51 AMA busty blonde I know who owns a modeling agency texted me one day to offer a free spray-tan session at a nearby salon. I hardly see her, but she seems to have hook-ups around town so I didn’t question it. “They do models for free, just say you’re a model when you get there,” she instructed which made me feel a little uncomfortable because no cool model would actually get a spray tan. Even though I don’t consider myself to be a model or post photos in workout clothes holding Tea Detoxes, I consider myself hot enough to get free stuff and was down to look staycation-bronzed. Plus spray tans are like $75. Who doesn’t love free shit? Literally wasn’t even considering being tan beforehand. Jk I want to be tan all the time because it makes me look like a healthy QT with an active lifestyle and not at all someone who spends all day inside isolating while complaining about being lonely.

I arrived at the salon hidden by overgrown shrubbery with poor parking options and they greeted me with, “are you a model?” I never thought they’d ask. I wanted to say no because I know I’m 5’7” and so did they, but for the sake of this free tan I lied, “yeah sure” and they told me to go upstairs. The technician was waiting for me.

When I arrived the technician was in the middle of a video chat and waved me in, whispering that I should get undressed. I slowly disrobed while minding the video chat and surveying the space. The fuck is she video chatting for? I was standing there naked out of frame, waiting to be acknowledged. “Ready?” She asked, not signing off the chat.

“Who are they?” I asked, referring to the two over-done plastic Asian-American women in Oklahoma smiling on the other end of the camera.

“They’re the technicians who are learning about the spray tan product.”

“What?”

“They’re going to watch. You didn’t know? We’re teaching them how to use our product.”

So weird how my friend happened to leave this part out of the free spray tan.

“………………………..ok.”

And then I was like fuck it. This is weird but now I’m undressed and I want this tan. I want to look like I went on a vacation. I really love vacations.

“Do you want to put on a paper thong?”

“Nah.” I didn’t want the paper thong. I needed that full body tan.

I walked over to where the spray would take place and stepped onto these sticky pads that keep the bottom of your feet from getting tan. She moved the camera towards me as these strangers watched silently. She started to spray me slowly and as the cold air hit my body, I watched my skin turn an instant shade of Long Island Jew. She told them what she was doing as she moved across each limb and I wanted to say, “it’s cool you don’t have to pretend anymore,” but I let her do her thing. The tan turned out okay. No clue if those other people were even in an actual salon.

And guess what? I went back like four times.

WAS THIS A PORN?

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