I was invited to go to Burning Man by a group of girls I barely know, which they claimed would be a free trip in a fancy expensive camp. I figured I should branch out and hang with some “hot girls” but quickly realized I would never fit in with their kind.
They asked me to meet them at a “feather shop” to pick out “costumes” for the trip so we can all “match.” Reluctantly I drove 20 minutes to a feather store and upon arrival the girls were joyfully putting together piles of feathers to make Mohawks, wings, hairbands, shoulder decorations and whatever else they were thinking to fake being bohemian for the week. I can only imagine, but choose not to, what Coachella preparation was like for them. They were all dressed in expensive clothing and had designer bags but were planning on dressing in costumes for the week and being something they aren’t.
Within a few minutes of being in this store and walking up the aisles to select feathers as clothes, I knew this was a terrible mistake and left immediately. I felt sick knowing I would have to spend 5 days stranded in a desert with nouveau riche whores on Molly pretending to be hippies in raver boots while house music blared and dust blew in my face. I’m not about that life.
Later that evening I went to a Soundgarden/Nine Inch Nails concert and was surrounded by depressed social rejects in all black making minimal effort to dance. I felt immediately at home – Not only because the music was awesome but mainly because nothing about being there felt fake. The contrast between the two lifestyles were very clear and I didn’t have to go to a desert to have a spiritual experience to figure it out. I just had to listen to good music and see a guy on meth making weird faces at the concert to know the truth.
It was just like the moment in Clueless when Cher realized she loved Josh. I don’t fucking like house music and I am not the type of girl who wears feathers at a festival. Sure everyone should do what makes them happy – but I will not go to burning man and dress like some LA bohemian bitch that I am not. I will never join any of these LA girls in their boho chic styles in neutral tones like brown and khaki, with fringe hanging from my clothes, cowboy boots and large floppy hats. Sure I technically didn’t have to dress like that – I could dress however I wanted, but burning man doesn’t even appeal to me. Why would I want to be in the desert for 5 days with a bunch of strangers on drugs? I’m sure the art is cool but since when was I willing to go to any lengths for some fucking art in a desert?
I instead will wear black, hate everything around me and upset people with this post who will tell me I am a hater. But yes. I am. I am hating on these types of girls in LA. Somehow I know they are the reason for the drought, because I’m not getting wet by any of this shit.