I suffer from a Merry Go Round of addiction.
This constant ride that is my life has no amusement.
It’s general admission to a theme that never stays parked.
It goes around and around and as I catch my reflection in the various mirrors, I see that nothing has changed.
I stay mounted on my invisible wooden horse, with one leg in the stirrup and the other in the air, holding on to my buttery pole for the ride.
Looped circus music supports the insanity of my crazed carousel ride thru irrational choices, deafening me from my conscious; never knowing what is right or wrong; the truth or a lie.
I lose my grip, quickly becoming blinded by flashing lights, making it harder to find my way off the infinite cirque du douleur.
Counter-clockwise I spin, accelerating with speed, my control is now completely lost.
I want to dismount, but I can’t.
I’m addicted to the dizziness, the repetitive song and dance, and the nausea it all ensues.
Somehow the ride slows down, the lights dim and the music stops.
I’m the only one on the ride in a sea of darkness and a feeling of sadness washes over me and eventually I drown.
Now I’m in an empty room, still on the wooden horse, nothing else is around.
My right hand catches the brass ring and I swing my legs over the horse, my feet hitting the cold steel floor.
I have a moment to walk away and explore the unknown, but for some reason, I want to get back on.
I feel safer on the horse; I know what’s going to happen.
So I ride again and again.
A bondage with no bandage.
I am addicted to my merry go round.