Now accepting marriage proposals.

I’m laying in bed playing around with spit in my mouth and noticing how everyone on Facebook is getting engaged these days. When I say everyone, it means that every few weeks some person I haven’t spoken to in like eight years is engaged and lives in middle America and got fat or whatever. Or someone I went to high school with has like three grown kids and Instagram’s photos of them dressed up with the caption, “Mama needs a night off!” If you know me, you know I’m promiscuous and immoral so I don’t even deserve a husband yet, but it certainly makes me feel bad either way that I haven’t been proposed to yet.

I just want to be able to say someone proposed to me! I want like 10 or more legit proposals I’m thinking. Does that sound insane? I’m not too good at math, what’s fair, 3? 3 legit proposals? Delivery men on the street don’t count either. I’m talking like really overly romantic making a huge scene proposals.

Like what does this bitch have that I don’t Not that I even liked that song! But it was a nice gesture.


I’d actually probably be really embarrassed if someone did that to me (trying to make myself feel better here). I just spent like 30 minutes watching these and I feel sick. Maybe because I just ate a bowl of leftover cold sesame noodles. Maybe I will meet my future husband at the gym today! Oh, wait, I don’t talk to anyone at the gym. Maybe I need to be more open-minded? Maybe I need to go to more dog parks. Where do you meet husbands anyways?

I realize marriage is about love. I realize that I’m just jealous I haven’t been engaged or married or have kids yet, and the only reason I’m even thinking about it is because of my Facebook feed. But I’m 24 right now and I’m not getting any younger. Any guys out there that work in Finance single? Promise I won’t cheat, or if you do, just buy me shoes every week and I’ll fuck the pool boy. Also, I’m going to my electrolysis appointment soon, so I’m totally wife material.

(Still single)

Was this more of a diary entry than something that shouldn’t be made public/made me look pathetic? No, I’m a cute hopeless romantic! Oh well.

Life isn’t a fairytale

I’ll be in this aisle waiting for my husband



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2 Responses to Now accepting marriage proposals.

  1. weewillie says:

    A whole new side of you. Who knew? When told by his student, “I want happiness,” the Buddha replied: First remove the “I”, that is ego. Next drop the “want” for that is desire. See… now you are left with only “happiness.” The best relationships I have are those I didn’t expect and never saw coming.

  2. R says:

    I am single and I am in finance we can talk about this, holla! 😉

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