Freewrite

Last night I was out on the streets of New York and saw a girl wearing a sequin dress and flats, while out partying with her friends. Her friends were all dressed up as well, but they were in heels. Why was she wearing flats? Did she think she didn’t need heels because she was wearing sequins and felt dressed up enough? Why would you go so far to wear a sequin dress but then disappoint your calves by wearing flats? Perhaps she was just coming off of an injury and had to wear flats. If that was the case, I wouldn’t go out with my girlfriends at night. A birthday she couldn’t miss? Then wear some heels.

Last night I tried to pick up 4 girls but none responded. No sweat off my back (I feel terrible).

A few nights ago I was doing laundry. I had just taken a shower and threw on a t-shirt and shorts. Since it was night and I wasn’t going anywhere I didn’t put on make up. I put on some slippers I like to wear around my apartment. Then, I brought the laundry out to the washing machine. I suddenly realized I had locked myself out accidentally, in my apartment hallway, wearing no makeup and house slippers. No one was home. A wave of anxiety of someone seeing me like this washed over me. I had no choice but to go down to the doorman and ask him to open up my door. Problem is, I live in a ‘busy’ apartment building, with a very active lobby. I really struggled with the fact that I had the slippers on. I actually looked good without the makeup so that wasn’t the real problem (obviously). But wearing these purple slippers made me feel like a 75 year old woman. I decided it was either slippers or not, and for some reason I would have rather been barefoot than to be seen in my lobby wearing those slippers. Is that crazy? It is. I don’t know, I couldn’t do it for some reason. I took off the slippers, kept them by the door and went into the elevator taking a deep breath. Then, to my horror, the elevator stopped and I was scared of who was going to see my barefoot in the elevator. I forgot to mention I had a big t-shirt on. I don’t want to treat this apartment building like I think it’s some kind of sorority dorm room with barefoot girls in big t-shirts. So get this, the person who walks in the elevator is a barefoot girl. Mortified, I didn’t want to look like all the girls in the apartment building were these barefoot feminist girls and I really didn’t want to be associated with her coming out of the elevator. No choice though. My doorman laughed at me.

——

So Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting a divorce. Is Suri going to be come the next kid Tom Cruise ignores?

Truth: I looked up Kate Upton on the internet for like ten-fifteen minutes today.

I’m really not into maxi dresses. Just never got into them, weird.

Can you suddenly become lactose intolerant? I feel like I suddenly became that. But I’m also a hypochondriac. But my stomach hurts when I eat ice cream and drink milk. I still do it anyways though, I’m so crazy!

I hate it when girls have chipped toe nail polish. It looks so grimey.

—-

Do you think the guy who came up with a gecko as a spokesperson for Geico did it because it sounded similar? Gecko and Geico? I don’t know how I feel about that theory. This is how the pitch meeting went down:

Boss: All State is kicking out ass out there, we need something new. We need something fresh.

Employee: Ok, well I’ve been doing a lot of market research out there and the polls came back, and animals are hot right now. We need to make our new spokesperson an animal.

Boss: Have you just lost your mind?

Employee: No, hear me out. It’s not just any animal, he’s a gecko.

Boss: A what?

Employee: A gecko. They’re like a little lizard.

Boss; And what is so special about this lizard?

Employee: Australian accent.

Boss: You just got promoted.

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One Response to Freewrite

  1. mom says:

    chelsea, the boss/employee dialogue is funny, thanks for the laugh today

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