the first step is admitting i am powerless over my addiction

I have a problem. Well, I have a lot of problems, but this one is painfully present in my everyday life. It’s a daily struggle for me to get through the insidious temptations of chocolate.

My name is Chelsea and I am a chocoholic.

By no means have I ever tried to officially “recover” from this gluttonous disease and been successful. One day at a time of no chocolate is nothing I’ve ever even wanted to attempt because I simply love it too much.

Cocoa was an important commodity in pre-Columbian Mesoamerica.

Ok, I read that off Wikipedia, but it made me think that if I was in Columbia and had the option of putting my face into a free pile of coke and a free pile of chocolate, I’d choose the chocolate (then the coke, because I wouldn’t have an appetite for the chocolate if I chose coke first). Just being honest here.

I’ve been a devoted enthusiast of chocolate for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, I would eat all of the chocolate before it was Christmas on an advent calendar. My mom and grandparents stopped giving them to me because I wasn’t following the rules. For all you Jews and less fortunate kids out there, advent calendars are countdowns to excite you for the days leading up to Christmas by opening up a little window everyday which reveals a piece of chocolate. I would finish off all of the chocolate before the second week of December, because I couldn’t control myself around 25 mini squares of chocolate.

On Easter, I would go out and look for the candy eggs in our backyard before my brother was even awake, so I could get all the treats. Oops I did it again.

My insatiable hunger for chocolate can become problematic. Sometimes I can’t stop thinking about chocolate and need to do whatever it takes to get it. Which just means getting off the couch and going to the store, but its problematic when I’m really comfortable.

I also really crave chocolate as closure from a meal, like how a smoker would want a cigarette. Sometimes I eat it in the morning when I first wake up before I even brush my teeth.

Once I didn’t have any chocolate in the house; I only had brownie mix that had chocolate chips in it. I decided to pick out the chocolate chips, which became annoying to have to sift thru the powder so I just shoved a handful of powder into my mouth. That felt like a low point. Admitting this on the Internet was my second low point.

One time I didn’t have any chocolate and ate a spoonful of chocolate sprinkles. We both know it wasn’t just one spoonful.  😦

I like milk chocolate the most. I’ve tried indulging in “healthier” chocolate by switching to 85% dark chocolate, but that tasted like shit. I love sucking on a piece of chocolate and letting the milky chocolate melt on my tongue. I like baking cookies and brownies and making chocolate covered strawberries. I sound so fucking fat right now.

I’ll also admit that I get Chocoholic Rehab newsletters in my inbox, but I don’t read them.

Why do I love chocolate so much? Am I coping with emotional problems or just bored? Influenced by sense memory? I don’t really care about the reasons why I eat chocolate as long as I get my ass into the gym or starve all day so I can eat it.

If I was at Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory I definitely would’ve fallen into the chocolate river.

i want you inside of me

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2 Responses to the first step is admitting i am powerless over my addiction

  1. Stephanie says:

    It’s always a relief when sonmoee with obvious expertise answers. Thanks!

  2. Julie says:

    Lol I’m on the same boat as you. Chocolate FTW!! haha

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