The Three Second Rule at the Gym

You can only stare for three seconds.

I love male attention, don’t get me wrong, but unwanted male attention at the gym is the worst.

I’m not going to lie; I get into the music I’m listening to while I’m on the elliptical. While enjoying the music and moving to the beat, there’s this dance move I end up doing. Instead of going up and down on the elliptical, I add in a little side-to-side hip action.  Just an innocent side-to-side never hurts anyone; if anything, I’m burning more calories and embracing the non-existent Latina spirit in me.

Me dancing on the elliptical:

I will not stop dancing on the elliptical. But it doesn’t mean that you need to watch for more than three seconds. Why three seconds? One second – face scan, two seconds- body scan, three seconds- full scan. What happened at the fourth second? Naughty thoughts. We don’t want to watch you thinking naughty thoughts about us.

Let’s take a different exercise. All I’m trying to do here is a squat. I’m simply bending down in a pair of spandex, feet hip distance apart, trying to build my ass into an adorably proper shape. Why is the trainer to my right not training his client? Is he going to tell me I’m doing it wrong or just stand there watching? Now his clients watching. Someone to my right is “pretending to lift weights” while looking in my direction. I have to stop.

I often feel like I can’t get the workout in I want to without feeling objectified. One time while I was doing crunches, some guy walked over and stood there in front of me watching. I got a weird feeling, so I got up to leave, and he began chasing me up the stairs and out of the gym for a block. He must have had too much Creatine that day.

I’m not trying to act full of myself here and I know it’s not all in my head because I’ve asked my girlfriends if the same thing happens to them. Surprise, it does. My GF told me she tried to put back a set of weights one time and a guy just stood there in her way watching her. Awkward!

Half the time I can’t tell if these guys are watching to correct my positioning, tell me I’m doing the exercise wrong or simply staring.

If they are simply staring, are you aware that you’re completely obvious?

I Interviewed one of my friends, a regular at the gym, to see how he got down:

Ok, if guys are going to stare, which seems to be inevitable, please keep it to the 3 second casual glance. You can stare at my ass as long as you want, but only if your behind me and i’m unaware. But please don’t make eye contact with me, ever. Unless you’re handing me a towel. Who do I think I am? A bitch with an agenda – and that agenda is copping a nice ass. Don’t disrupt me while trying to get it.

Another thing… stop making those loud grunting noises when you’re lifting weights that sound like you’re in a six person anal orgy.

This is me, trying to make the gym a better place, one blog post at a time.

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