Build Your Own Disgust

You know what disgusts me? Those make your own salad places.

Actually, it’s more like “tell someone else what you want in a salad that they will most likely fuck up.” There’s always an ingredient or two in there you never asked for. Just like when you’re a club promoter who invites a hot chick out and she brings a couple of 4’s – no one invited them.

Technically you aren’t making your own salad. Someone with a gloved hand, who has previously touched tons of other ingredients you haven’t requested for your particular salad is making it. I’m talking about places like Salad Works, Just Salad, Hale and Hearty, Chop’t, Cosi, Pax, or any place that has a bunch of salad ingredients separated by little plastic boxes.

What grosses me out about these little plastic boxes is that ingredients often carry over from one box to another. The chicken in these boxes look distasteful. How long have these ingredients been sitting in these boxes? Are these boxes ever cleaned out? How often are the ingredients changed in the boxes? Are the ingredients emptied from the boxes at the end of the day and refrigerated or do they stay there overnight? Are the boxes cold themselves?

Here’s what else bothers me: Those big bowls they mix your salad in or the chopping blocks they use… those appear to never be cleaned or switched out. They’re simply used from one salad to the next. That chopping block has had more flavors on it than Tiger Wood’s dick. They are essentially mixing flavors from the other salads. They are using the same giant chopping machetes for every single salad. Just Salad should be renamed Just Everybody Else Before Your’s Salad.

I don’t like ordering food and having it taste like something else. It’s like when you order a bagel from a Craft Service truck on a film set and they don’t have a toaster- you know they are toasting your bagel on the grill that they cooked everyone else’s BLT’s on. How do I know? Because it tastes like bacon. Bagels shouldn’t taste like bacon.

I’ve often ordered a salad that ended up tasting like something completely different because of the same knife they’ve used. Then, I have to throw it away once I’m finished gagging, gargling and rinsing. I’m constantly swearing never to order another one again. But like doing drugs when you drink, you forget how bad it is until you try it again.

And why are these salads always overly soaked with dressing? Probably to disguise the wilted lettuce and so you can’t taste the lack of freshness in their ingredients.

You know what? I’m over these places.

"Wash Me" - cutting board

This doesn't look appealing.

This dressing reminds me of too many things.

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3 Responses to Build Your Own Disgust

  1. FELLON says:

    idk those salads look pretty good to me.

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    Wow finally found what im looking for.

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