I don’t like St. Patrick’s Day

I’ll say it again: I hate St. Patrick’s Day.

St. Patrick’s Day in NYC is for high school kids from Westchester that skip school to ride the train at 8:30 am to NYC get wasted (fiiiiine that’s what I did). It’s for guys who work in Finance and have places in Hoboken; it’s for all the redheads who never felt like they had a place in the world until March 17th rolls around. But must important of all It’s for people of Irish decent who like to celebrate their culture, which is the only thing I don’t have a problem with and the only people that should be commemorating.

this is your day only my bearded lady friend

I don’t like those green Mardi Gras beads and the other ridiculous costuming that has become a sickening strut of kelly green garb as a rhetorical runway show for these Hallmark holiday participants.

look in the mirror. are you still smiling?

If you haven’t guessed I’m completely opposed to Mardi Gras as well. Holidays that are excuses to drink are stupid. St. Patrick’s day is simply an excuse to get drunk and why do you need a holiday as an excuse to get drunk?

I saw girls stumble, I saw people throwing up outside cabs, and I saw a lot of discomforting outfits. I’ll tell you what I didn’t see: leprechauns. I wanted to see a fucking leprechaun.

this little guy can't show up for anything

So if you’re not 16, Irish, or a freshman at NYU that just moved to NYC from Ohio and need to create a Facebook Album to show your friends your new exciting Metropolitan life, then put down those oversized felt hats that you bought for $3.99 from Party City and act like an adult.

you disgust me

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One Response to I don’t like St. Patrick’s Day

  1. Zay Fox says:

    I saw a leprechaun on St. Patty’s day. Sure, it was a midget with a fake beard wearing a big green hat and a stylin green suit. But that doesn’t change the fact I saw a leprechaun.

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