Disclaimer: I do not condone drinking and driving! Always be safe 🙂
When I lived in Hawaii a few years ago, I worked at a bar that allowed you to drink on the job. My favorite drink was a Vodka Red Bull and I thought I could handle my liquor because I had a high tolerance, but in reality it was extremely low. One night I had about 8 Vodka Red Bulls and was a hot mess at the end of the night when it was time to go home. I had driven to work that night and thought I was fine to drive home since I only lived a few blocks away and I could take back roads to be safe. Other employees urged me not to drive, but I assured them I was ok and ran out of the bar into my car.
Finding the ignition was a task in itself, but once I was able to insert a key into it I was on my way to finding out how to reverse the car and make it onto the street. I didn’t feel like staying in one particular lane, so I took up two. I also didn’t feel like waiting at the red lights, so I ran three of them in a row. Suddenly, two cop cars were behind me with their lights on and I totally felt like I was in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (I wonder how many stars I had). I happened to be right in front of my apartment complex, so I pulled into the driveway and tried to get out of the car but the cop came on a megaphone and said, “STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE!” Shit. Not only was I only 20 years old, but also I was fucking wasted and it was obvious. As the was cop approaching my car, I had to think quickly while pulling my skirt up a little bit for some distraction.
COP: What the hell do you think you’re doing?
ME: Oh my god! I’m so glad you’re here!
COP: What are you talking about?
ME: I work at ****** Bar and there’s this guy there that’s obsessed with me and stalks me and he was following me home when I just got off work! I’m so scared! Since I work so close to home, I had to lose him at the red light so he wouldn’t see where I was going! It was my only chance!
COP: Oh, well, get inside! Next time you call us!
ME: Thank you officer!
I ran inside and vowed never to drink and drive again! I’m not sure why he let me off.. it was probably the way I batted my fake eyelashes so adorably.
And that ladies and gentleman, is how you get out of a DUI.