How I got out of a DUI

Disclaimer: I do not condone drinking and driving! Always be safe 🙂


When I lived in Hawaii a few years ago, I worked at a bar that allowed you to drink on the job. My favorite drink was a Vodka Red Bull and I thought I could handle my liquor because I had a high tolerance, but in reality it was extremely low. One night I had about 8 Vodka Red Bulls and was a hot mess at the end of the night when it was time to go home. I had driven to work that night and thought I was fine to drive home since I only lived a few blocks away and I could take back roads to be safe. Other employees urged me not to drive, but I assured them I was ok and ran out of the bar into my car.

Finding the ignition was a task in itself, but once I was able to insert a key into it I was on my way to finding out how to reverse the car and make it onto the street. I didn’t feel like staying in one particular lane, so I took up two. I also didn’t feel like waiting at the red lights, so I ran three of them in a row. Suddenly, two cop cars were behind me with their lights on and I totally felt like I was in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (I wonder how many stars I had). I happened to be right in front of my apartment complex, so I pulled into the driveway and tried to get out of the car but the cop came on a megaphone and said, “STAY IN YOUR VEHICLE!” Shit. Not only was I only 20 years old, but also I was fucking wasted and it was obvious. As the was cop approaching my car, I had to think quickly while pulling my skirt up a little bit for some distraction.

COP: What the hell do you think you’re doing?

ME: Oh my god! I’m so glad you’re here!

COP: What are you talking about?

ME: I work at ****** Bar and there’s this guy there that’s obsessed with me and stalks me and he was following me home when I just got off work! I’m so scared! Since I work so close to home, I had to lose him at the red light so he wouldn’t see where I was going! It was my only chance!

COP: Oh, well, get inside! Next time you call us!

ME: Thank you officer!

I ran inside and vowed never to drink and drive again! I’m not sure why he let me off.. it was probably the way I batted my fake eyelashes so adorably.

And that ladies and gentleman, is how you get out of a DUI.

cops love a good spanking

always refusing arrest

sometimes they catch you though

ill take your hat and make you like it

cuz we're the two best friends that anyone could have

the bachelor: officer edition. will you accept this rose?

don't think this was legal at all

loading up with the hawaii 5-0

i'm distracting him while a major Miami drug deal is going on behind him...he thinks im an 18 year old girl with a digital camera, but i'm actually a 40 year old cuban mafioso bitch with plastic surgery and a baby tiger at home

is this a bad lieutenant?

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3 Responses to How I got out of a DUI

  1. drew says:

    that is great. GOod for you!

  2. Rach says:

    i just love the caption- “were the two best friends that anyone could have”

  3. your brother says:


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