I don’t like sports. I don’t like jocks. If you played football in high school I will most likely never hook up with you. I hate girls on sports teams who cheer on their team like, “You got it Christy! “Let’s go Alex!” “Come on Megan!” There’s nothing wrong with cheering on your teammates or sportsmanship, but it’s just not my thing. I just felt so stupid on sports teams in high school when everyone is all spirited-out, too.
I played field hockey for seven years from middle school to high school. I’m really not an athletic person. I was the worst person on the field hockey team. I tried to pole vault on the track team but I couldn’t get over because I don’t have upper arm strength.
I hated how in high school we had to dress “in spirit” on the day of a game. For example in field hockey, we wore our jerseys and green & white knee socks to class all day. The only thing that was fun about sports was Homecoming, when we did a sexy dance in front of the whole town with our field hockey sticks, and got suspended from playing 3 games. I hated when we had to cheer on the sidelines together, too. It’s like how I also don’t like singing the Happy Birthday song.
We were the Irvington Bulldogs.
I was so bad at basketball that I tried out for the team and didn’t make it, but the lesbian gym teacher felt bad, so she let me practice with the team. I was slowing down the team’s practice because I sucked so badly, so she had to make up a lie saying she heard me talking shit about girls on the team for a reason to kick me off. I cried.
I WILL NEVER go to a bar to watch football either. There’s nothing worse than people who dress up in their favorite sports team attire to watch “the game”. Who are these men with their hats on, beer and wings in hand, celebrating their masculinity together? I will not be the girl who shows up to those sports bars in midtown, drinking beers with the guys and yelling out things that makes me think I know something about sports when I really don’t, like, “What kind of call was that?!” “Did you see that pass?” “TOUCHDOWN,” (Then jumping up and down and hugging the nearest person).
When guys get together to watch sports I call it, “Bro’in out.” “Bro’in out” is when guys get together to talk about chicks, sports, eat meat and drink beer. It’s when they show each other naked photos they’ve received from chicks and scratch their balls. Then maybe you all look at weird porn on the Internet together and feel awkward. Then they quickly talk about how tough they are and all the chicks they’re “banging.
When girls get alone together they talk about this one guy they are really obsessed with, who is just using them for ass and they don’t get it yet. They don’t realize that the guys just care about watching sports with their friends and drinking beer. Sports suck.