Working Out the Blue Tooths

I just came back from working out at the gym in the building I live in. It’s nice because during the day not a lot of people are in there, so it seems like you’d have a lot of privacy. Not that I’m doing weird exercises or anything sketchy, but I just don’t like to be watched when I work out. I’m not even saying I look great working out, even though I do because my cheeks get this really cute flush, but just because it makes me feel awkward. It makes me feel awkward because I don’t think I’m doing any of the moves or exercises right, so when I feel like people are watching me they are judging my technique. I want my technique to look on point, and which I assumes it does, because I get cat-called by construction workers on the reg, and hollered at by homeless men (through their jumbled words asking for change, crack or alcohol, I’m just telling myself instead they noticed I’ve been working out), so I must be doing something right. Or does everyone get that same attention? So maybe I’m not doing some moves right.

Anyways, so I was just working out, and what really annoys me about this gym is that there are two people who work at the front desk. One is a girl who keeps to herself, and does her fucking job, which is sitting at the desk and looking stupid. The other employee is a guy, who feels the need to walk into the empty room I am working out in, and find “things to do.” I’m sure that’s what he would explain if I asked him why he’s sitting there on yoga ball watching me while i’m doing crunches. I’m sure that’s what he’d probably say when he walks by the punching bag and kicks it once, and then comes to talk to me while I’m clearly listening to my headphones and in the zone. It’s like, why do people at the gym do that? That happens all the time. I’ll be running on the treadmill and an employee of a gym will come over to ‘shoot the shit’ it’s like, dude, I’m sweating and running at 6.0 mph and you’re asking me how my day is going? It was going fucking great until you started to lower my heart rate with your unimportant questions, and interrupting this Cam song. 

I used to work out at Crunch gym before I lived in this building, and their motto is “No Judgements.” If there are No Judgements, then why when I’m lifting weights is there a large Russian man with really short shorts watching me thru the window and not doing anything. Just standing there, watching. For ten minutes. Now, I didn’t want to have to make a judgement or anything so I had to leave. I didn’t want to have to walk up to him and say “what the fuck are you looking at?” Only to have him respond, “I’m blind,” or something that would make me feel bad when he should feel bad for ruining my workout.

It’s like another time I was working out and this girl was clapping her hands back and forth and staring at herself talking in the mirror at the gym for like fifteen minutes. It was starting to scare me, who let this schitzo into the gym while I was working on my ass exercises? Then the manager happened to come in, and I was like ‘whats this girls deal?’ He got scared too, then we realized she was on a bluetooth. Well, I felt like an asshole. Bluetooth’s suck. They are just meant to make other people feel like assholes, because I always think someone is crazy and talking alone to themselves and I am looking around for some bluetooth attached to their head. It’s like, you’re just standing there on the street, do you really need a bluetooth? You look like you probably work at T-Mobile or Subway; you aren’t multitasking and you’re not always in your car driving for work, you’re just in a Adidas sweatsuit, with a bluetooth on hanging out in Starbucks like it’s you’re fucking job. (Side note that might make people hate me: And I know this sounds racist, and I really don’t mean to be, but i’ve noticed black people love blue tooths.) The only people that should have Bluetooth’s are cab drivers and people from 2005… but seriously.. who are cab drivers always on the phone with? Every time you get in the cab, they’re on the phone with one of their nine wives. What kind of payment plan do they have? Does their whole work check go to their payment plans, because cellphone minutes are expensive these days, you KNOW they are on some serious roaming charges, and they are talking the entire cab ride and probably their entire shift. God it feels good to get that off my chest.

So… yeah, two things that drive me crazy are people annoying me at the gym and people wearing blue tooths. That’s legit, right?

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2 Responses to Working Out the Blue Tooths

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